The Adventures of Swordboy!

Last weekend we went to Medieval Times to celebrate Eli’s birthday and Knut and my fifth anniversary. If you haven’t ever been to one, it’s a giant Lego castle where you eat with your hands and watch a knight’s tournament. Children are encouraged to buy souvenirs and adults are encouraged to drink heavily. We had lots of fun (even though our knight was kind of a tool. He broke character! He didn’t give Eli a rose! The jerk.), but the best part of the night was our visit with Swordboy.

Swordboy was the kid behind the sword counter. It’s an area that gets many looks but not too many buyers. The swords are made in Spain and many are quite beautiful. Knut decided he needed to try out a Viking sword and he was eagerly helped by a young man known to us only as Swordboy! Swordboy was probably around 5’4” and had lank blonde hair hanging over his ears. He was in his very early 20s or late teens and was clearly very eager about swords. My favorite parts of the conversation:

1. Knut leaves his beer somewhere while he’s trying out swords. Swordboy responds “That’s always a problem when you’ve had a few too many.” I suspect this is not experience speaking. Swordboy does not look like he’s old enough to buy alcohol and even if he was, liquor store clerks would probably think twice before selling it to him.

2. Knut asks about the design of a sword. “Is it from the 1500s?” Swordboy responds “Around the 1500s.” You know, give or take a century.

3. Lauren asks which sword would be the best to hunt the raccoons in her roof. Swordboy pulls out a small Roman sword because “it’s fast.” I said that something longer might be better so she could just stab through the ceiling when she hears them running, which leads to…

4. Swordboy giving me a Claymore. It’s probably about four and a half feet long, not six as Swordboy suggests (I know this because he was a bit taller than the sword). I hold it (Grandpa was a Cameron after all) and Swordboy asks multiple times “Isn’t it really heavy?” It isn’t particularly heavy. Way less, in fact, than a large pot full of water. Knut remarks that I look strangely comfortable with it.

5. It’s late and everyone else is putting the sheets over the display cabinets. Swordboy lets us know that if we want to come back and just look at swords, we don’t have to pay the entrance fee. Thanks, Swordboy!

On the way home, we described what we thought Swordboy’s life is like. It was pretty inventive. Good luck, Swordboy! Wherever you are (Schaumburg!)!